As some of you may know, my father died in December. These were the words I spoke at his memorial service yesterday. I don’t know why I feel compelled to share but I do. I simply want to put this out into the world in his memory.
I was asked to get up here today and speak to you about what John Currie was like as a father. But we’re not actually going to do that. Instead, we are going to have a little lesson in semantics, and the difference between a FATHER and a DAD. You may have thought these words were completely synonymous with one another, but you would be mistaken. Any man can be a father; that’s simply biology. But not every man can be a Dad.
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Being a Dad, a true Dad, takes a lot of work. Whereas the title of Father is given automatically upon the birth of a child, the title of Dad has to be earned over the months and years and decades that follow. A Dad isn’t perfect and he doesn’t need to be. He may even really suck at it sometimes. But a Dad grows and evolves and keeps on trying, every day.
A Dad holds his newly adopted infant son in his arms like precious cargo. Because he’s always wanted to be a Dad and biology doesn’t seem to be cooperating at the time. He’s thinking what all new Dads think in that moment: “Dear god, what did I just get myself into?”. And this Dad, and the new Mum too, get very little sleep over the next few weeks, as they find themselves running to the little man’s room, just to make sure he’s still breathing.
Dads of a certain era weren’t allowed to be in the delivery room, and so might always look back regretfully that they weren’t present at the birth of their first daughter. But when, six years later times have changed sufficiently and Dads are welcome, a Dad is utterly enthralled at the birth of his second daughter. And, according to eyewitnesses, a Dad might even gasp in amazement as he touches that soft soft newborn skin.
A Dad lets his little 5 year old daughter carry his nightly drink up to his room as he changes after work, even though he knows half of it will have slopped out of the glass on the way up. Hey, a good Dad knows that there’s always more gin and more tonic in the liquor cabinet anyway.
A Dad continues to use the funny little phrases and mispronunciations from his kids, long after they have outgrown them. Breakfast will always be Breakstest, sunset will always be chunchet, Christmas trees will forever be Kimmy Trees, and Carolyn will continue to be Cadah well into her 40s.
A Dad will even go so far as to get a vanity license plate made with his favourite phrase from his third child. Because nothing says “I am a real Dad” like driving a red Jaguar with “Huggle” on the back. You’ve got to be pretty confident in your parenthood AND your masculinity to rock that look.
A Dad can hardly wait to teach his kids about all the things that he loves to do. He packs his family into the car for long road trips to horse shows all over the US and Canada, putting up with (and sometimes not putting up with) all the bickering from the back seat. A dad isn’t always patient, though, and may even make good on his threat to leave his bickering children on the side of the road…but only for a brief moment.
And when a Mum’s leg is shattered by the kick of an irritable horse at one of those horse shows, what does a Dad do? He steps up and takes over. He drives his truck, trailer, horses and kids hundreds of miles back from New York State while his wife remains in the hospital. And he finds live-in help so he can juggle work, farm and family as she recovers over the next few months.
As an avid skier, he can’t wait to have his kids up on sticks. He bundles them up in layer upon layer of warm clothes so they can hit the slopes, putting up with all the complaining about cold noses, fingers, and toes. And when an out of control skier knocks his little girl right off her skis, he chases him down the hill and sics the Ski Patrol on him.
A Dad, knowing that his oldest son really loves that cowboy life, takes him on a “boys only” road trip before selling the farm and moving to the city. Picture it if you will: big brown Chevy and a four horse trailer, with Kenny Rogers and John Denver playing on the 8 track. Just a boy and his dad.
A Dad, hearing that his 11 year old daughter has been hit by a car on the way to school, drops all of his work and rushes so fast the hospital that he nearly gets in an accident himself.
A Dad smuggles multiple jars of peanut butter into France on a family vacation, because goodness knows that Canadian children can’t live without their peanut butter for a few weeks. But that same Dad also uses his children to advantage, smuggling multiple bottles of good French wine back in their suitcases.
And when the trip home is particularly rough, with lost luggage and horrible turbulence, and his three year old son throwing up all over him, a Dad will still help his 8 year old daughter recover from jetlag. He’d surely much rather have a shower and fall into bed himself, but he will climb into bed with her and stroke her face until she falls asleep.
A Dad might really struggle during those tumultuous teenage years, when you are a willful hormonal adolescent and he is a stubborn old fart. You may often really dislike your dad during those years, and think that you will never really see eye to eye. And your dad may often dislike you during those years…and rightfully so because you can be spectacularly unlikeable. But through it all, the fights and the groundings and battles of will, you don’t ever doubt for a second that a Dad loves you. And that he fights with you because he cares.
Dads of a certain generation tend to be very over-protective of their teenage daughters and scare the bejeezus out of young men who might be interested in said daughters. He might even joke of owning a shotgun in a young suitor’s presence. But later on, long after his daughters are grown, he might grudgingly come to admit that his girls were capable of handling themselves after all.
A Dad always tries to support your hopes and dreams, buying you books on archaeology for every birthday and saying things like “It will be so wonderful to have a Dr. Currie in the family”. But if those dreams turn out to not to be what you really wanted after all and you fearfully tell him you have decided to leave your PhD program, he won’t be upset with you. Instead he will say things like “Oh sweetheart, I am not disappointed IN you, I am disappointed FOR you”.
Dads grow and evolve and they become Grandads. And oh, real Dads make the BEST granddads. They hold your little child in their arms and you suddenly see each other in a whole new light. In some ways, they are better Granddads than they ever were Dads. They get down on the ground and play with your young children, despite the creaking of reluctant knees and hips. Because they want nothing more than their grandchildren to have good lasting memories of them.
Upon discovering that his time is a little more limited than he’d hoped, a Dad will request time with his children, asking you to come one at a time, alone, without families and distractions. So that you can simply be together and say all those things that might never otherwise be said. And in those quiet moments, he becomes more than a Dad. He also becomes a friend.
So what’s the difference between father and Dad? It isn’t being the perfect parent; any Dad in this room will tell you that’s impossible. Dads aren’t always patient or kind and they may even be downright mean on occasion. But a Dad will always be there, will always try to support you even when he doesn’t understand you. And he will always be working to let you know just how much he loves you.
Dads aren’t born, they’re made, forged in the fires of sleepless nights, vomit-covered clothes, hospital visits, teenage battles of will, trips walking daughters down the aisle, births of grandkids, all the highs and lows of parenthood. All of those moments test the mettle of a man, and if he’s a Dad and not just a father, you, his child, will come out on the other side of every moment, safe and secure in his love for you.
John Currie was many things to many people. He was a son, a brother, an uncle, a husband, a father in law, and grandfather. He was a friend, a business partner, an advisor, a deal-maker and a tough negotiator. He was a sailor, a cowboy, a scuba-diver and a great skier. He was a fantastic dancer. And he was the ultimate cookie monster.
But to me, and to my siblings, he was a Dad through and through. He wasn’t perfect and he didn’t need to be. He was still amazing.
Beckie says
Beautifully said and a wonderful tribute to your dad. Thank you for sharing.
Kim says
Well, there is certainly nothing like waking up to tears in your coffee. Your words are beautiful. I love the photos you have shared. I’m truly sorry for your loss. He sounds to have left some wonderful memories. ~ God Bless.
Shannon says
What a wonderful tribute to your dad and fathers everywhere. May all the beautiful memories you have bring you comfort.
Liz Czilok says
I feel blessed learning these things about your Dad. This was absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much for what you do for everyone and for sharing this tribute to your dear Dad.
Alison Nead says
Beautiful tribute! It made me miss my Dad who’s been gone a long time but not ever missing from my heart. Thank you for sharing.
Marnie LiVolsi says
I can’t stop crying… What a beautiful tribute..
Betsy says
I lost it at the picture of your Dad and his beautiful grandchildren. What a wonderful tribute you wrote! Thank you for sharing.
Dorinda Hathaway says
What a beautiful tribute! Your dad sounds like a wonderful person, Carolyn.
Ann Legere says
Dear Carolyn, this is an amazing & beautiful tribute to your Dad! Your words are an inspiration to all, so honest and real, coming from your heart! I wasn’t aware that you are a Canadian? So proud of you! I read your blogs every day and with my celiac son and daughter-in-law, I use your recipes constantly! Thank you for sharing! Ann Legere, Truro, Nova Scotia!
Louise DePino says
Thank you… beautiful…tears in my eyes.
Coleen Hall says
Beautiful. Simply beautiful.
Mary Antonelli says
And a beautiful job you did yesterday touching all our hearts as we listened to the little girl, the woman, the mom sharing her heart. God bless you. Mary antonelli
Heather says
This is so beautiful. So sorry for the loss of your wonderful Dad.
Amy says
What an amazing tribute to your Dad. I feel really lucky to have learned a little bit about him. What you wrote sparks the things that we hope our kids will remember about us, and is a good reminder for me to be patient with mine. Thanks for sharing.
patti says
thanks for sharing your memories and tribute
Tamera Alexander says
So grateful you had such a fabulous dad, Carolyn. Praying for you today as you miss him and as you continue to offer tribute to him by your loving words and kind deeds to others. From what I can see, you are certainly your Dad’s daughter. Blessings.
Annette Mahoney says
Thank you for sharing what a beautiful tribute . We need more Dads .
Sandra Parker says
Lovely, brought tears to my eyes. You were certainly lucky to have him and by the sounds of it, he was a lucky man indeed.
allison says
What a touching tribute! You are so fortunate to have such treasured memories! You will always have your Dad in your heart <3 Thank you for sharing such a personal event of your life Carolyn. You are truly connected to your readers and that is one of the biggest reasons I love you so much! God Bless <3
Karen says
I’m not crying, you’re crying !
Lee says
Fathers and daughters. It is a wonderful bond and therefore such a great loss. The memories, as wonderful as they are, are bitter-sweet.
GrannyM says
Thanks for sharing your beautiful memories of your Dad. I don’t usually read things about fathers because mine was “none of the above”. I’m glad I read your lovely tribute and I’m so sorry for your loss.
Melanie Mattox says
WOW – tears with my coffee. Thanks for sharing !
Gloria says
Carolyn, Thank you for sharing. It was very touching, beautiful and a great tribute to a wonderful Dad. My Dad has been gone with the Lord from this earth over 30 years – but your memories brought back a few of my own. So many people don’t have good memories of their Dads because of an early death or abandonment, or abuse. We count our blessings and pass it on, and pray for those children who will never experience Dad.
Cheryl says
Carolyn, this was so beautiful and made me cry. Good tears. Thanks for sharing!
Ilana says
Your words are absolutely beautiful. I’m so sorry for your loss. May his memory always be a blessing to you.
Vivian says
What a beautiful tribute to your very special Dad. I love it! You were really blessed in the Dad’s department! Thank you for sharing him with us.
Dolores Salerno says
I can totally understand and appreciate that you wanted to share what you said about your Dad. I felt the same way when mine passed away. To have such an amazing man in your life you want to share how wonderful he was with the world. We think that since his earthly being has gone people will forget about him but anyone who has touched us and been such an inter cal part of our lives never go away because they live on forever in our hearts and minds.
Keeping you, your Dad, and your family in my prayers.
Kathy Jo Horan says
Carolyn, this is such a beautiful tribute to your Dad and portrays the very best of a loving, caring father. Your eloquence paints a lovely picture of your relationship, thank you for sharing.
Jackie says
Wow. Such a wonderful tribute! So sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing and adding the pictures. Memories are such a great thing. Thanks again dear.
Pat says
Big tears in my eyes after reading this because I loved my own Dad so much and your words express my own feelings toward a wonderful man. He has been gone 27 yrs now and I still miss him every day and would give anything to have one more hour of his presence.
Your Dad was obviously the perfect Dad too, imperfections and all and he was very handsome as well. So was my Dad.
You’ve done your Dad very proud and I know what you mean by wanting to put his memory out into the world. I often wanted to write a book just about my Dad. Maybe I will.
Thanks for reminding me today of my dear old Dad.
Jane Baines says
What a wonderful tribute Carolyn! May your fond memories bring you and your family peace.
Linda says
Your beautiful tribute made me cry. I don’t miss my dad all that much. Sad story, but my dad’s background pretty much guaranteed he’d have no clue how to be a dad. What made me cry, though, was that my husband passed away on March 28 and I kept seeing him and the way he was a dad like yours to our sons. They were close and they miss him the way you miss your dad. It makes me happy that they had that kind of dad in their lives. And it makes me happy that you did, too.
Please accept my sincere condolences on your loss. It makes perfect sense that you’d want to share your tribute with us. I’ve been doing kind of the same thing, sharing my thoughts with my friends on my Facebook page. It helps to reach out to other people.
Carolyn says
I am so sorry for your loss too, Linda. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man.
Linda says
He was. Thank you so much.
KarenJo says
Speechless … This needs to go up on your wall just the way it is!
Arlene says
Such a beautiful tribute. You did your dad proud. It sounds like he was a wonderful person, and you were very blessed to have him.
Natasha says
That was the most beautifully worded expression of love and gratitude. Thank You for allowing us to fall in love with your dad as well.
You are my favorite LCHF chef, and I guarantee you were his too.
Prayers for you and your loved ones. xoxo
Andrea Goldsmith says
Thank you Carolyn. I had a Dad too. With a capital D.
Candace says
My heart is filled with love for you and your amazing Dad. Your beautiful words will stay with me for a very long time.
Nadia Gaio says
A wonderfull tribute to your dad, Carolyn. I’m so sorry for your loss. Don’t forget that your dad is still alive in your heart.
Emily Boyas says
Absolutely beautiful and so very true. So sorry for your loss.
Lori Kaumans says
Beautiful tribute! Thank you so much for sharing. It’s hard for me to believe it will be 20 years in December since I lost my dad and he was just that, a Dad. Unfortunately, I never got to see him as grandpa but I know he would have been wonderful. Thanks for the reminder of how blessed I was to have him.
Tory says
Thank you!
Brenda says
Carolyn,
That was priceless….each phrase was written with such truth and care. Your dad was so honored with this piece you wrote, and I will hold on to this for future reference when honor is due.
Best,
Lisa Gabrielson says
I am so very sorry for your great loss. What lovely memories you have of your Dad and those will always be with you to comfort you. A great tribute for sure, and it made me think of my Dad and all the sacrifices he made for his family without complaint. We were lucky to have such wonderful Dads!
Lauren at Keep It Sweet says
This is so beautiful, Carolyn. Your dad sounds like he truly was a wonderful person and I’m so sorry for your loss.
Donna Wolf says
A beautiful tribute
Alyssa | EverydayMaven says
This is so beautiful Carolyn. Crying tears of joy at what an amazing man and Dad he was and tears of sadness for your heart as you mourn this tremendous loss. I’m glad you shared this and honored to read it. xoxoxox Alyssa
Donna B. says
Beautiful. <3
Helen says
My deepest condolences and what a wond we fully tribute to your dad.
Tami S. says
Carolyn, this is a lovely tribute. I know your Dad is smiling down on you. Every Father’s Day I post “Not all Fathers are Dads. I should know, I’ve had both.” I’m not crying, it’s those darned onion chopping ninjas. Thank you for sharing this!
Robin Jenkins says
What a beautiful tribute to a wonderful man who has wonderful children. You made me laugh and made me cry, and most of all, miss my dad, too. Thank you for sharing.
Stephanie Deal says
Beautiful tribute!!! All my sympathy Carolyn!! Losing a parent is an unfathomable loss!!
Mary says
What a beautiful testimony of a life well lived. An interesting time it is, when we are mature enough to recognize our parents as people not just moms and dads. You really “saw” your dad for the man he was . Thanks for sharing…
Rhonda Hittinger says
What a absolutely beautiful tribute to your Dad Carolyn. I’ll be honest, I read it all word for word and felt every single emotion you wrote from your heart. I cried with joy for you and for your Dad and your family, I then had to take a short break before coming back to leave this reply . Thank you so much for sharing . May your heart be forever filled with the love you received from your Dad.
Pam A. says
Tears! What a great tribute to your dad, and how fortunate you were to have had him. God bless and thank you for sharing!
Mary says
The family resemblance between dad and daughter is remarkable!! Sincerest condolences for your loss, but you have so many wonderful memories to cherish after the pain of grieving becomes less acute. My dad passed 12 years ago and I still miss him. Thanks for sharing.
Sarah G says
Oh, I knew he hadn’t been doing well but I somehow missed the sad news from December! I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers being said today.
That homage to your Dad brought tears to my eyes. I know he is missed.
Andrea says
Wow! that was beautifully touching!
Carol Wiebe says
Thank you for sharing, Carolyn. You are always sharing your terrific recipes, but this tribute to your father also told us a lot about you–what you admire, what you cherish and love. It sounds like the luck went both ways when it came to your relationship with your dad.
Christie says
That was beautiful and made me cry. I am sorry for your loss but thank you for sharing your wonderful memories of your dad with your readers.
Cookin Canuck says
What a lovely tribute to your dad, Carolyn. It sounds as though he truly earned the title of “Dad” to you and your siblings. I can’t even begin to imagine how much you must miss him. What wonderful memories you have to keep with you. Much love to you, my friend. xoxo
JC says
I was just going to politely skim through, but your words brought me to tears. Such a well-written eulogy. Condolences. Your dad sounds like he was a wonderful one.
Sunil K says
M moving tribute to your dad.
Anna says
Thanks for sharing such a beautiful story, he was amazing and I was happy to get to know him x
Lee says
Thank you for sharing– beautiful memories and a thoughtful reminder of the important role “Dads” have in their daughters lives.
jillian says
You have honored us with your beautiful photos and deeply felt words. Tears on my keyboard.
KalynsKitchen says
Such a beautiful tribute to your dad. I’m sure he is incredibly proud of you!
Connie Gutierrez says
Thank you for sharing. xoxo
Jackie Butts says
Beautifully expressed. How fortunate we are to have had an amazing Dad. I miss mine and think of him every day, and almost always with a good memory. I wish the same for you.
Kristie Doyel says
That was a beautiful tribute, I’m in tears as I’m writing this. I feel the same about my dad…
Carolyn says
Thank you. We are lucky to have had Dads.
Kerri says
Thank you for sharing those wonderful memories and words. Such a beautiful tribute.
Carolyn says
Thank you.
Peggy says
Beautiful tribute!
Carolyn says
Thank you.
Sarah says
I just read this in my search for a recipe. Beautifully said. I lost my dad, too, and nothing else has ever left a bigger hole in my life.❤
Carolyn says
Thank you.
Joy Tomlinson says
Thank you for sharing your dad with us Carolyn. What a wonderful man and day he was and what a beautiful tribute you gave him.
Joy Tomlinson says
Thank you for sharing your dad with us Carolyn. What a wonderful man and dad he was and what a beautiful tribute you gave him.
Carolyn says
Thanks so much, Joy. I appreciate that anyone took the time to read this.